I’m assuming you were expecting an update. So.
The ‘new’ flat smells.
The ex-occupiers included a couple of four-legged creatures. I found a small gate attached to the kitchen door and assumed it was to stop the dogs entering the kitchen; until I spent long enough in the kitchen to realise the smell that lived there was far more pungent and gag-inducing than the one that resided in the living room. Gate’s true purpose- to keep the dogs IN the kitchen.
There are certain things that register 9.8 on my Somalino scale. Dogs living in kitchens is waaaay up there with mooning.
I still have not moved into the flat.
The smell’s only part of the story but pungent enough to keep me away had it been the sole reason. I spent a little time in the flat on Saturday, looking for poop stains, pee marks, matt dog hair, dead pups behind cupboards- that sort of thing. The smell and focused searching- like watching a horror movie through splayed fingers was headache inducing. Not wanting to see what you’re looking at is self-inflicted brain torture. I was also hungry and irritable- both entered the flat with me and then the smell got to work on them and made them bad-ars*(it doesn’t anglicise, ho hum). I lit a candle under a litre of green tea oil and left it unattended.
At the supermarket I spent £20 on cleaning paraphernalia. Back at the flat, I emptied a giant can of Oust into the carpet zig-zagging, criss-crossing and up-and-downing across beige carpet that looked suspiciously beige and finally stood up to the mother of all head rushes. I couldn’t smell or see.
Of course none of this explains my absence from cyber space and indeed from my own life but that, that, dear readers is too deep, too sentimental, too much for a woman that has a smelly flat to contend with it. Suffice to say, 2007 was annus horribilis and most of 2008 has turned into a prayer-answered, surprisingly easy delight and I just don’t know what to do with it all without gushing.
Praise the Lord.
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