aBigForehead

Walking back home after a lovely day daydreaming. A man is gesticulating with his mobile(cell to you weirdos over the pond) at a Somali man who shouts something back and walks away quickly. Across the street a man lies on the ground, crumpled somewhat in the way that makes you wonder, 'dead or drunk?'.  I do wish they'd make the distinction when they get drunk, whip out a sign that they leave on their heads that reads, 'drunk, if I vomit push me on my side,  if not walk on by'.

The man now sees me and stops me. Ambulance he says, call, no good English. He points at the crumpled body across the road and puts his phone in my hand. Is he drunk I ask. Yes, please no die today. Die tomorrow, die another day, no die today.

Translation: dude's gonna kill himself one of these days anyway but don't let him die today.

I dial 999 on the guy's phone and don't know how to make the call. He presses a button for me. I think how useless a phone is in an emergency if u don't know to make a call.

Emergency Services.

There's a guy on the street and he's..

Police, Fire or Ambulance?

Ambulance, please.

Blah, blah, usual spiel- I suspect.

There's a guy on the street, he's not moving.

Do you need an ambulance?

Huh?

Yes, please.

Where are you?

I tell.

How old is he?

I squint at the crumpled figure across the road.

He looks like he's in his 40s.

The man next to me says 50, almost.

He's almost 50. A guy who knows him asked me to ring for help; he can't speak English well. I think he's drunk but I'm not sure.

Is he breathing?

He's coughing now so I guess so.

What the hell am I talking about?

Are you willing to touch this man?

Well, now that you put it that way, no.

Yes.  I start to cross the street. The other man follows me.

You'll need to put him on his back. I'll stay on the phone. 

I ask and gesture to the guy following me to put his friend on his back. He looks bigger than and me and I'm one-armed.

He makes a feeble attempt.

I tuck the phone under my ear and help pull the guy on his back. His friend buttons his trousers for him and I think how mind-altering stuff robs you of your dignity and how strange that this man was more eager to do that for him than to get him on his back.

He's on his back now.

Is he breathing?

Yes.

Can you put your face close to his nose to see that he is breathing?

I cheat and put my hand over his nose. He smells of stale alcohol. My face is close enough muchos thankos.

Put your  hand on his forehead..

I do.

..and your other hand on his chin

I struggle but do.

And push his head back.

OK.

Is his breathing regular?

I think so. It's windy I can't really tell.

Hindsight: I should have looked at his chest. Feeling for his breath wasn't the best way to go about it- next time then when u're helping a drunk, OK?

If he vomits put him on his side.

Lovely. Next time, shmextime.

OK.

Can you check to see if he has anything in his mouth?

I push his chin down and am rewarded with an empty mouth and missing teeth. His head lolls to one side and I fix it back centrally.

It's empty.

The ambulance is on its way. Will you be OK of I leave you or would prefer me to stay on the line?

I'll be fine. Thanks for your help.

I hang up.

So you're Polish, right?

Yes. We were in church half hour ago. We divorce...

Separate. 

..and he go drinking.

Good for him go back Poland.

Yeah but he's a European citizen, they won't send him back.

Take hospital, take home, this best, they can do.

They are ways are there?

Excuse, where you from?

A bit of everywhere I want to say instead I say, 'Somalia'?

Thinking it will throw him.

Ahhh, yes, Somalia he says like he and she were long lost lovers.

Suddenly I'm aware of a group of people behind us.

They were standing over there a half hour ago, have you called an ambulance asks a woman.

Yes, we have. They start to move away, the church-goers  in their Sunday best.

Thanks for stopping I say and wonder why I have to thank people for stopping to see if they can help. Would they have stopped had the two of us not already been standing over him?

The man starts to move. He flops like a fish. Is that a convulsion or a twitch or a what? Do I have to call 999 again what the...

No problem. I know says the  Polish man. Always drink, play guitar in church, no work.

How does he afford to drink?

I don't remember the answer, the flopping has all my attention

People need to help themselves. Who'll help you if you can't help yourself, you're all you've got I say.

I don't know what the hell I'm talking about anymore but he finds meaning in it.

He shakes my hand.

Thank you. People must help.

Not quite what I was meaning though I can't deny that either but how the hell would I articulate that to him?

I decide to leave it to him.

I'm going to go now, the ambulance should be here soon. They're taking their time I think but maybe drunks are lower down in the pecking order of the ambulance service.

If he vomits, I motion vomiting, put him on his side, I motion putting him on his side.

The man nods his head vigorously.

OK then. I'm looking away when he swoops down and plants a kiss on my cheek.

He smells of alcohol himself. He's smiling too now. How do they learn to do that? Swoop and kiss in a millisecond before u can dodge it. Is there a school for it?

Can I meet with you again?

Fluent in asking out, I see.

You might see me around, I respond sunnily and get the hell out of there.

There are good deeds and then there are sacrifices and they're poles apart.