aBigForehead

I thought I'd go to work earlier than usual today. Well, the insomnia thought that up for me, woke me up before schedule and left me there to find something useful to do with the extra time.

The trains on the Central Line were so jammed I watched 4 trains go by while the mass of bodies ahead of me disappeared painfully into each stopping train. I inched forward each time. The man in front of me was carrying a case that could have carried me. I peered into its emptiness and longed to hop in.

At long last I get close enough to a stationary tarin's door and I step in in trepidation. The mass of bodies were rippling with irritation and early morning stress.  I turned to face the soon to close doors so as not to get hit in the head when they did close- been there, bumped that- when I start to get jiggled about.  Disorientated I wonder what the hell is going on but try as I may I can't find my footing. I wobble and the bodies don't cushion me but bash me back with thuds. What the. I get my bearings enough to notice that the case man- tall and wide- and another man- tall and narrow- were actually shoving one another and exchanging elbows.  I- short and narrow and behind them- was getting the brunt of their bouncing bodies and they were none the wiser.

Having 4 brothers I know what testosterone is like and when testosterone wants to come out to play, testosterone will come out to play, female hormones skipping about beware, stand back, this is man's work, this is how it's sorted out.

When I have one bounce too many, boom, boom, boom, I raise my voice like a school headmistress, one hand raised, palm outward and command, 'Will you two just calm down?!'

The scuffling stops.

It's not just about the two of you, you know!

People get killed for lesser comments.

Case man, says, 'I KNOW it's not just about the two of us' imploringly.

I face away from them toward the doors and find that we are still standing at the station platform, the crowd waiting to board not particularly interested in joining the case man, the mad man and the headmistress. I catch one man's eyes and he looks away gravely.

The silence breaks.

Case man has a case to make.  He says, looking at the taller man, '..where do I put my case?'

Tall man, says, 'Up your ******* ar*e for all I ******* care you ******* tw*t!'

Tall mad man does not need stage school. His voice and venom whoosh through the case man's face and out the back of his head. I feel the impact and close my eyes to regroup.

Case man then says to mad man, 'No need to get agitated..' and looks my way. Aha, I get it, mad man is the aggressor, I get it. I also want to get out of this sardine can unbruised.

I raise both hands, palms down, motioning downwards and whisper, 'Please, just leave him be.'

The doors close. It is only one stop to my destination.  

When I get off, mad man gets off too, I look him up and down in his City suit and imagine him telling the tale of the Case man and the midget headmistress over morning coffee, lunch, fag breaks and at the pub tonight.

Bottoms up, kid. I memorised your face and next time I see you I'll accidently disintegrate your little left toe.