aBigForehead

It's been days since the Friday evening celebrating fatherhood and I have been silent.  There is an assumption that I have been resting. I was restless by Saturday evening, over the tiredness by Sunday afternoon, bored out of my mind by Monday evening, bloated by Tuesday on meat, time unspent productively, East Enders,  junk food and mostly silence. I have not answered calls, listened to voice messages or emailed much.

In the 3 months that the fatherhood project lived I sent about 300 emails regarding it to everyone I knew and plenty I didn't. I made more phone calls than I probably have in the last few years of my life, perhaps several years. I was never a phone person.

In the last days I have slipped back into a routine that was more like my life used to be,  meat over-consumption aside.  It's been one-dimensional, dull and quiet. There is only aspect of my life that is thriving and alive. That alone would have kept me going once upon a time but it too is self-serving. Now life has little meaning when I shorten my reach, shrink my ambitions, leave places where no one has gone before untouched.

I knew when I read that paragraph in R Omaar's book that Feltham Young Offenders Institute would be my next stop. It called to me. I did nothing about it, convincing myself that I needed my concentration trained on the fatherhood intiative. I may have underestimated myself.

Now that I've binged on my old life for days I am certain that a life of service to myself alone is no longer a possibility.

I emailed a friend who works with young youth offenders and asked for some links. I also Googled a couple of words and stopped at the first article. In it I read all that I need to get me started. Read here.

I keep re-reading this:

Feltham holds an average of 650 boys daily, out of which sadly 190 are registered as Muslims! However, by the grace of Almighty approximately 150 attend Jumuah Salaah (Friday Prayers) weekly, Alhamdu lillah (All praises for Almighty) many have started to pray five times a day regularly and many keep optional fasts. Further handfuls have also started performing Tahajjud (Night time) prayers daily whilst in the prison.

I have two requests for Book & Food donations.

So I will write to him now. I wonder what this Eid will be like at Feltham? 15-21 year olds locked up for wrong-doings. 29% are Muslims! And the Somalis are the largest moniroty group there. Over-representation in the jails. Why when locking up a teenager should be the last resort? What are free Somalis doing to keep the system alive? We are responsible for this too.

I hear slamming doors and echoes through corridors. And that is only because I know I will visit soon inshallah.

Off to send official first email  of justice, meet hope...return calls and thank beautiful folk.

God guide me.